Blood Music – DUM DUM

A song I wrote and recorded, as DUM DUM, with Paul and Kahl , at Paul Cotton’s wee studio in Edinburgh, sometime in the late 90’s


The song was originally inspired by seeing a famous Esso advert for petrol, which featured a tiger climbing in snowy mountains, which I thought was quite ironic as their jungle environments were being destroyed by the same corporate greed that Esso was (in)famous for, and that’s why tigers were being driven to live in higher ground, to escape man’s destruction. It seemed symbolic of our environmental fight with corporate insanity.


More Animal Tails

Since I got so many nice reactions to the last lot,

here’s some more nonsense


And, especially for my friend Wendy Lee, as a wee cheer-me-up,

cos she’s done the same for me




The Crab has a shell

And sharp claws as well

And they walk

In a side-aways motion

Underwater for miles

’Cos a crab’s got rock piles

And they can’t find

A suitable lotion



The Dung-Beetle tries

To forget the size

Of the dung-ball they constantly roll

They just cannot figure

How it keeps getting bigger

They should try to show more self-control



Elephants feel

That they got a bad deal

‘Cos elephants can’t jump at all

In sporting events

They’d make gigantic dents

In the hurdles, and tracks

And footballs




The Fly

Having flew flights

Flees flickering floodlights

And flammable flossy filoux

As he flip-flops, and flaps

There’s a flaw there, perhaps

That can flatten a fly with the flu



The Giraffe’s neck is long

So, when he sings a song

His high notes can shatter wine glasses

His songs, ‘though popular

Won’t make him a star

‘Cos they go over the heads of the masses



The Goldfish has a moving tale

That daily gets him ‘round his jail

A see-through prison made of glass

How slowly all his hours must pass

His memory is very short

Yours would be too, if you were caught

And spent your life inside a bowl

‘Twould shurely break your heart and shoal



The Gorilla’s a beast

To avoid at a feast

As his etiquette lacks any manners

Lounging in cocktail bars

Eating Cuban cigars

‘Cos he thinks they are chocolate bananers



Hippo-Potamus is Greek

For River-Horse

And as we speak

In the Nile’s muddy rivers

There’s a man who delivers

Milk by hippo and cart, twice a week



The iguana sits

On a rock, and spits and shits

And sits and shits

And spits and sits

And shits and spits



The Jellyfish floats

In the sea

And some boats

Run them over without any warning

So, they silently squeal

‘Cos jellyfish feel

It’s a bad way to start off your morning



The Kangaroo jumps

So imagine the bumps

That he’d get on his head from low bridges

So he lives in Australia

Where it’s flat

But the failure

To evolve

Stopped them inventing fridges



The Lion controls

All the best waterholes

‘Cos lions are not known as wimps

He’d be no fun at all

If he drank alcohol

Staggering home

Looking for fish and chimps



The Llama’s domain

Is in mountain terrain

So he never wears pinstripes or spats

He spits and he drinks

And god knows what he thinks

Of Peruvians in bowler hats


Copyright Stu Who? – 2006