Imagine doing 23 consecutive Xmas parties, where the 300+ audience consists of works-night-out parties of some 40 people … some who strongly resent the fact that they lost the vote as to where this years do was taking place and “are-not-gonny-bloody-cheer-up-no-matter-what-happens-ok”… and who are being served by underpaid, middle-European workers, whose English speaking is slight and perfunctory, and have been forcibly listening to the same Xmas CD compilation being played on repeat, endlessly, for the entire course of the 23 nights … with Jonah Fukkin Lewie still enquiring whether we can ever stop that fukkin cavalry, and Noddy Holder screeching his manic exhortation that:
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttt’s Fukkin Kerrrrrrrrrrrrissssssssssssmmmmisssssssssssssssssssssssss!
Mix all of that with the Xmas reality of people who only get pished once a year, behaving very badly, and being critically bored at their tables by the “office-wag” … the epitome of the Rikky Gervais office manager satire … and, add the modern phenomonon of binge-drinking drunks who intead of passing out unconscious and blootered, have instead scored some low-grade cocaine which has reduced their appetites and stopped them eating their crap Xmas meal, and is now keeping them conscious enough to be cocaine-aggressive, arrogant knob-ends who are now demanding even more alcohol …
A truly, White Xmas of epic, horror proportions
And on Xmas day itself, at the big family gathering, when Slade’s “Merry Christmas” is once again played, I will be deemed a bit of a party-pooper when I pull out my AK47 and take out every bastard wearing a jolly festive hat
Roll on The New Year!!